Fear

Fear. It's as the title stated. I'm afraid. There's so many things running through my head right now, i don't even know where to start.

What am i afraid of? I'll try to list those that come into my mind right now. I'm afraid of my studies. I'm afraid i won't do well. I'm afraid of disappointing my parents. I'm afraid of losing my family. I'm afraid of disappointing whoever that has expectations of me. I'm afraid i'll become a bookworm. I'm afraid i'll lose my friends. I'm afraid my friends won't like me. I'm afraid that they'll talk about me behind my back. I'm afraid they'll abandon me. I'm afraid of being used. I'm afraid they don't even like my company. I'm afraid i'll offend them. I'm afraid they'll get pissed at me. I'm afraid they won't do well enough. I'm afraid that i'll never meet someone who'll spend the rest of my life with. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of meeting new people. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid of nobody attending my funeral. I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of society. I'm afraid of being judged. I'm afraid i won't be happy.

A party pooper. Yup. That's me. I can't help it. I just don't know why i don't want to join in the fun. I'm sorry for that. Everyone seems to have fun and if you look a little to the backdrop, you'll see me. Sitting, alone, doing nothing. Arghh. The feeling sucks but i just don't know.

And well, if you happen to chance upon my blog, i just want to say sorry. I realised i haven't said it to you face to face. Sorry i made you pay that $5. I'm sorry i put you in the tough spot. I'm really really sorry. If ranting out really makes you feel better, do feel free. My conscience is guilty enough. Damn it.

Somebody please. Help me.