Survivor: Teens Version

Upon waking up this morning, i was hit by a sudden realisation. I'm 17 years old, i have no achievement to be proud of. Sure, i'm living life by my own pace, but perhaps i'm on the wrong path.


Meeting this new bunch of people in this new environment, really reminds me of the TV series: Survivor. It ended last week i think. Back to the point. You start making friends with these people who you think ARE your friends, when in fact, they'll talk about you behind your backs. Yes, i'm afraid of this. I even spend my nights thinking what they'll say about me. You bond together with certain people, yet they might be making use of you. After they're done, they dump you. Then you'll be there to fend for yourself. Well, i'm certainly not the one that'll climb to the top of the social ladder and start leading people around. I'm probably the sai kang warrior, aka the sore loser of the group. Yaya, i don't have the charming looks, i don't have a great personality, i don't even have the brains to do stuff. I'm lucky to be even included. Yes, that's what i think all the time.


I have no idea why, but i gave most of my secrets away to my new classmates. Perhaps i was desperate to share what has been inside of me for years, but now that i'd done so, i feel so lost. I feel so hollow. I.. don't know what to do. Something that i did not even share with my friends of 4 years, i told them to people i knew for 4 weeks. Perhaps i no longer have the past haunting me now, but maybe i'm trusting people too easily. These new "friends" might be just curious, yet i did not share the same tale to those who cared. Heck, i lost my "virginity" to these people. It was the first time i ever told things about me, and honestly, the reactions were just "Mehhh". It's not that i was expecting much, but perhaps old friends could have been a better listener.


Honestly, i really don't know what i'm doing with my life at this age. Guys at my age usually do these things; play sports, watch sports, buff up, date girls, play games, play music, earn money, have big dreams. I do none of them. I just sit. Sit, and just watch as time goes by, and start regretting. Yup, that's my life. I don't even have an ambition. Well, i do tell myself to be happy, but that will probably get me nowhere. I doubt i'll be happy in the future. Why? I'm in engineering. Duh. I don't see happy engineers. Well, except for my COMPROG teacher, who keeps smiling when talking about computer codes. I think he's gone bonkers. Anyway, i really don't know what to choose for Sem 2 either. Will i follow friends' company? Or will i venture into the unknown, alone?


6 months together is really a torture. This might be the only reason why i'm gonna dislike EBM. You spend your first innocent 6 months with a class of newbies, and soon after, the closest people that you know will turn into strangers. I hate that shit. I really like these classmates of mine, i think. I just don't want to meet new people and start making friends all over again. And these people that i share my days, even nights with, will probably forget about me, since i'm a freaking nobody. And the smiles that they share with me, will be taken away by others. And i'll be there, with probably no one. Yes, i'm pessimistic as shit. I can't help it.


Argh. I suck in this game called "Life".